On
whatever step of our spiritual development we are, the first thing
which is required of us is that we should be true to ourselves: not
to try to be anyone except the person we are; not to try to mimic any
behavior, to force ourselves into any mould in heart, in mind, in
will which could be a lie before God, to ourselves, a deception for
others. The first rule is to be true to ourselves; and to be true
with all the integrity, all the passion, all the joy of which we are
capable.
Time
and time and again I am asked by people: “What is the Will of God
for me now, in the nearest future?” And I always refuse to
speak in God’s own Name, because I believe that all I, or any
priest, can do is to stand before God in awe, and say, “Lord, Thou
art the Truth, Thou art Life, Thou art also the Way: teach this
person, be to this person the Way, enlighten this person with the
truth, and bring him to such plenitude of life as no one can either
convey or give.”
And
yet there are things which can be done. Each of us is a free man of
God, as St. Paul said clearly. He says there was a time when we all
were slaves of Satan, slaves of our passions, of our fears, slaves of
all the things that press on all sides and do not allow us to be true
people. In Christ freedom is granted; not license, but the
freedom to be ourselves, the freedom to grow into the fullness of the
stature which God has dreamt for us, to grow into fullness that will
make us truly living members of the Body of Christ, partakers of the
Divine Nature.
On
whatever step of our spiritual development we are, the first thing
which is required of us is that we should be true to ourselves: not
to try to be anyone except the person we are; not to try to mimic any
behavior, to force ourselves into any mould in heart, in mind, in
will which could be a lie before God, to ourselves, a deception for
others. The first rule is to be true to ourselves;
and
to be true with all the integrity, all the passion, all the joy of
which we are capable. And what does this mean?
Apart
from what I said a moment ago, it means that we must find who we are
not only socially, but at another level. To do this, we can read the
Gospel which is an image of what a true human being is. The Gospel is
not a book of commandments, of orders, as it were, given by God, “Do
this, and you will be right in My sight” — no: it is a
picture of what a real human being thinks, feels, does and is. Let us
look into the Gospel as one looks into a mirror, and we will discover
that in so many ways we are a distorted image, but that in a few ways
perhaps, we are a true human being already, at least potentially. Let
us mark those passages of which we can say, like Luke and Cleophas on
the way to Emmaeus: Does not my heart burn within me when I hear,
when I read these words? How beautiful they are! How true! That is
life!. And if you find one passage or another to which you
respond in this way, rejoice. At that point God has reached you at
the deepest level of your being, revealed to you who you truly are;
but at the same time He has revealed to you Who He truly is. He
has shown to you that you and He are in harmony; that if you only
become what you already, potentially, truly are, you will become (an
image) of God; a true undistorted image; at least in one or two
things.
Then
there is another move: if we want to be truly ourselves, we
must remember that God does not expect us to be what we are not, but
what we are. That we can stand before God, and say to Him, “Lord! I
have read this and that in the Gospel; I understand it with my mind;
I believe in my heart that it must be true; but it does not set my
mind aglow, my heart on fire; it does not stir my will, it does not
transform me yet. Accept me as I am! I will change, but for the
moment I cannot respond to such a commandment, to such an example.”
There is a passage so beautiful, to me, in the writings of St. Mark
the Ascetic in which he says, “If God stood before you, and said,
Do this, and do that — and your heart could
not answer ‘Amen’ — then don’t do it; because God does not
need your action: He needs your consent, and harmony between Him and
you.”
Let
us therefore try when we ask ourselves – “where do I already
stand?” – in an attempt to find out what the Will of God is for
us, not in the absolute, but now. What can I already now be and do,
and do it wholeheartedly with God? — because in the end, the aim of
our spiritual life, of our life and our faith in Christ does not
consist in being drilled into doing one thing rather than the other;
it is to establish between God and us a relationship of true
friendship, of a joy of mutual freedom, and within this freedom,
within this friendship, in response to God’s love, to God’s
respect for us, to the faith He has in us, to the hope He has vested
in us, and say “This person has understood that he is not a slave,
that he is My friend” — and He is our friend. What a joy! And it
is a gift of God, which we can give Him as we received it from Him!
Amen.
METROPOLITAN ANTHONY OF SOUROZH
Source: Saint Barbara Orthodox Church
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